43 Greatest Ron Swanson Quotes That Prove He Might Be Your Spirit Animal

Thought Catalog


Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.
Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.
I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.
Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.
I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.
Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.
[On bowling] Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.
I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.
No home is…

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